Breathe No More
by Krys Xanthina
Summary: 2 Song SongFic. Jean isnt as perfect as she seems...
1. Breathe No More

**_A/N:_**_ I love this song, and once again, its not a ROMY SongFic, but this couple is.... just as standard, and....well, Hmm. Its AU. PLEASE leave me a review.... I'm not so sure on this one.... Hell, even if its to say that ___ was a better SongFic.... Or I coulda done this better.... .Okay, yeah, I'm begging for constructive criticism, just not on my spelling/grammar. Lol. Thanks. BTW, 2 song SongFic. Promise._

_~Krys_

****

**Breathe No More**

**_I've been looking in the mirror for so long  
That I've come to believe my soul's on the other side._**

Jean Grey sighed and turned away from the mirror again. She looked perfect. As always. She couldn't help it.... It just happened. Just like Kitty was a preppy valley kid. She was EXPECTED to be perfect. To give the others someone to look upto. Perfect Jean with the Perfect hair and the Perfect boyfriend. She wasn't allowed to cut loose. It was alright for Scott to do every now and again, but apparently, this was because he had a temper. She had Perfect disposition. She didn't really get mad. Well, she tried not to. No-one ever saw it. Not even Scott. 

  
**_All the little pieces falling shatter:  
Shards of me too sharp to put back together;_**

Maybe that's why she felt like this. Constantly like she was on the verge of falling apart. Getting up every morning and putting herself back together Perfectly, for another day of "Lets Pretend".... They didn't understand. They couldn't. They never would. Hell, they didn't have to deal with people's thought invading their minds when they were ill, or just feeling low. They didn't have to worry about objects throwing themselves around the room when they were upset. THEY didn't have to be Perfect 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. 

She couldn't even relax at her own home. Her Older sister was the one who her parents doted on. She could do no wrong. Jean couldn't do any right, she had to be perfect. Perfect grades, perfect boyfriend.... well that all went to waste when her parents found out she was a mutant. Wreaked everything she had built. Her parents didn't speak to her any more. Disowned. From age 15-18, she had been Charles Xavier's ward. His responsibility. It wasn't fair to put pressure on a cripple, so she had to be perfect there, help him out whenever she could. 

She never mentioned that she fell apart every night when no-one was around to hear her. There was never a suitable time to mention that she couldn't be perfect all the time, and it felt like it was killing her.

  
**_Too small to matter,  
But big enough to cut me into so many little pieces.  
  
_**

Scott didn't know. She loved him and all that Jazz, sure. But she couldn't tell him. He loved her because she was perfect, right? There was no possible way he could know what went through her mind. Sure there was their 'link', but he didn't realise she could project fake images to protect herself. It was rare he saw through it. When he did, he just assumed she was ill. She'd get over it. Of course. She was Jean Grey. She was perfect.

**_If I try to touch her  
And I bleed,  
I bleed  
And I breathe,  
I breathe no more.  
_**  
Almost everything she did, she hated. She hated herself, she hated the school. She even hated Scott and Professor Xavier sometimes. Not for very long, although she did sometimes wonder. If she wasn't the Perfect student.... or the Perfect girlfriend..... would they still be around her? Would they still want her around them? Probably not. Being perfect was like Rogue being Goth. Rogue was a Goth because it made her feel safe. Jean was perfect for the same reason. Being perfect, she knew where she stood with everyone. 

**_Take a breath and I try to draw from my spirit's well.  
Yet again you refuse to drink like a stubborn child._**

Her gaze flickered across the hallway to watch Kitty and Kurt, laughing and joking. They didn't hide anything from each other. Jean sighed. She wished that, just for once, her and Scott could be like that. Totally open. Happy. Properly happy, not this fake happy she put on for Scott's beneifit. She had everything she could have ever wanted. So why couldn't she be happy? Because it was a lie. 

The kids of the institute weren't allowed to lie, and yet Jean was living a lie. Why didn't anyone notice? Why couldn't she let herself get any closer to Scott? Because he'd hate her. He'd see how weak she really was and he'd hate her. Scott loved Miss Perfect. IF that was what it took to keep him.... So be it.

  
**_Lie to me, convince me that I've been sick forever  
And all of this will make sense when I get better._**

Yes, Jean got Sick, Scott saw her really, and put it down to her being sick. He hated it. He hated her. The real her. Although it had been so long, Jean wondered what she really looked like. The red hair wouldn't be as.... red, or shiny, or perfect. Her grades would be a lower average. Duncan Matthew's wouldn't look twice at her. Same as Scott wouldn't. What was it with Perfect Jean? Why did everyone like her better than ill-Jean, the real Jean Grey? 

  
**_But I know the difference  
Between myself and my reflection._**

Yeah, she knew the difference between herself and her reflection. They'd traded places a long time ago. Jeans reflection was the perfect one. She was the flawed one, who hated living like this. Her reflection was the Jean that did everything perfectly. She was the one who cried in the early hours of the morning. If anyone knew, none of them cared. To say the house was full of people who didn't or couldn't sleep, she was doing something right by herself, hiding it. And now, Scott was there, in the kitchen infront of her. Flirting. With Rogue, and Kitty, and even Betsy. Mind you, Betsy was understandable. She hadn't been a model for no reason at all. 

  
**_I just can't help but to wonder:  
Which of us do you love?_**

What was Scott doing flirting? Scott DIDN'T flirt. As if sensing her prescence, he turned, beconing her over and sliding an arm around the waist of his perfect girlfriend as she reached them. She put on her smiled, for Scott, and her defences up, to keep Betsy out. She ignored the pointed glared from Rogue, and leaned into Scott. This was safe. Scott was safe. He was the Perfect boyfriend. 

She didn't want to loose him. He couldn't find out she was flawed. He'd leave her. 

**_So I bleed,  
I bleed  
And I breathe,  
I breathe no-  
  
_**

Taking a silent deep breath, Jean prepared herself for the day ahead. Another day of Pretending, another day of being perfect. Another day of living the lie that was Perfect Jean Grey.

**_Bleed,  
I bleed  
And I breathe,  
I breathe,  
I breathe,  
I breathe no more._**


	2. Before the Dawn

**_A/N:_**_ Heh, I got readers! Wohoo!  Can I please point out, that if I've missed your review, its not cos I don't appreciate it, its cos FF.net is being evil, and has stopped sending things to my inbox so I cant read them.... lol..... __Ill__ try and wait till I've got everyone's but..... *shrugs* _

_OH! My site's finally ready to start having people and stories added now. It's a Fan-Fiction Archive site.... basically, finished Fan Fics get posted up there under the correct board, i.e., if its Rogue central, it goes on her board, etc. E-mail me for an invite._

_Reviews!_

**_Window Girl_**_ – Wohoo! Thank you so much! I'm so happy you liked it! Here! Cookie and a hug! _

**_RogueyMaximoff_**_ – THANK YOU! Pfft. We all know Stan Lee has a thing for Jean. Lol. I only found the song last night and I though..... OOooh! Fic! Oooh.... Jean Fic! Heh. My odd mind. Here, have a cookie too.... I'm afraid I'm running out of hugs, so only a little one...._

**_DOJ_**_ – Oooh.... A half-flame! My first one! I'm so happy right now! __Heh__, __Ill__ explain about Scott. He's not actually flirting, because Scott doesn't flirt. Its Jean going crazy. Lol. Well, not quite. Being insecure. I don't think he'd flirt (much) either.... Okay, he does with Taryn (Spelling?), but that's only to make Jean jealous. He wouldn't with the Institute girls. He knows they could all kick his ass. Especially Rogue and Betsy.... Have a cookie.... I have lots....and a baby hug too.... can't forget hugs.... lol._

**_Rogue14_**_ – Hey, thanks! Here, have a cookie and a hug!_

**Before The Dawn**

Despite what Jean may think, Scott Summers had heard her crying, or at least, he finally realised it one night. He had been hearing the sound for some time. In a way it was comforting, because it would always be there. Although the sound caused a twinge in his sleep, it helped to have it there. 

Kitty had come in earlier that night crying, because her and Lance had a fight. When Scott heard the sound, he assumed it was that.... Kitty still crying, although when he checked her room, she was fast asleep, and Rogue's bed was empty, the window open. He'd have to tell her about that again in the morning. 

Confused, he followed the sound back down the hallway, stopping outside Jeans door. Frowning, he went to the one next to it. Silence. And the one at the other side.... Silence again. Confusion etched onto his face, he slid the door open quietly, and crossed the room to the 'sleeping' figure. There was no indication his girlfriend had heard him come in, until he sat on the edge of her bed and she sat bolt upright. 

"Oh Jean..." He whispered, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her close. He couldn't bear to see her hurting, although he couldn't think of any reason why she should be.

**_Meet me after dark again and I'll hold you  
I am nothing more than to see you there_**

He held her tight until the tears subsided, and then pulled back slightly, studying her face, trying to see a reason in it.

"Jean.... Honey.... What's wrong?"

"N.... nothing Scott. Nothings wrong. I'm fine." 

"No Jean, you're not. You can tell me you know." Worry was etched onto his face, and something Jean saw when she looked at him, made her laugh quietly.

"Its not thing Scott. It's silly." Of course she could tell him, he loved her, and she loved him. If that wasn't incentive enough to believe that her earlier doubts were silly, she didn't know what was. Scott raised his eyebrow.

"Jean?" 

"It's okay Scott. I was just..... being silly. I was scared I was going to loose you." Scott's expression went dead-pan. Completely blank.

  
**_And maybe tonight, we'll fly so far away  
We'll be lost before the dawn_**   
  


"Scott? Say something...." 

"Jean.." He replied softly, quietly. "How can you loose me?"

"I.... I thought you didn't love me anymore." She confessed, confused by the look on his face.

"Jean, I never loved you. You can't loose me, because you never had me." Jeans eyes went wide with shock, and fear.

"Scott, you don't mean that.... You don't. Take it back, and stop saying things like that. You're starting to scare me."

"I don't love you Jean. I never did. Just a way to get into the Professors good books, you know. You think I'm in my room all night? For a psychic, you're pretty stupid."

"Scott...."

"Taryn, Jean. I love Taryn."

  
**_If only night can hold you where I can see you, my love  
Then let me never ever wake again_**

"Scott.... Don't do this to me. I love you." 

"I know.... That was so easy.... I couldn't believe you fell so fast. Taryn said you would, but, well, I had to see for myself."

"Why are you doing this to me?"

"Taryn's perfect Jean. She doesn't cry into her pillow every night. She KNOWS she's perfect. She doesn't have to pretend. Yes, I know all about your games Jean. You think Duncan's gonna want you after he knows?"

Tears were streaming down the red-heads face. She couldn't believe what she was hearing.

"Scott, why are you being so nasty?" 

"I'm just telling you the truth Jean." He smirked and stood up. "Hurts, don't it?" 

"Scott?" A muffled voice came from outside. "Scott, c'mon.... We gotta get going.." 

"Ill be there in a minute Taryn." He called out of the window. "I gotta go red. My perfect girl's waiting for me." 

"Don't do this Scott.... We can...." 

"We can what Jean? Work it out? Sit and talk about it? You're so uptight.... You wouldn't do ANYTHING wrong now would you? Taryn understands that you can't always be perfect. You have to be bad sometimes. Cut loose. You wouldn't know anything about that would you?"

  
**_And maybe tonight, we'll fly so far away  
We'll be lost before the dawn_**   
  


Jean put her hands over her ears. 

"Go away Scott.... I don't know what you're taking, but you're scaring me. Go to bed and we'll sort this out with the Professor in the morning. Maybe he can find out what's wrong with you.."

"Its YOU that's got something wrong with them Jean! You try so hard to be perfect, but you're not! You're so FALSE it sickens me! I can't believe I put up with you for this long! Well, I'm outta here.... I'm leaving. With Taryn. We're gonna go to Vegas, maybe get married."

"Don't say things like that Scott.... I love you.." 

"And I love Taryn."

"I must be dreaming.." Jean whispered. Scott smirked and leaned in close to her. 

"This is it _love_. I'm out of here.... away from you and your precious Professor. I'm off to enjoy my life. Not look after a bunch of bratty kids, and a girlfriend who's nothing more than a mannequin." 

  
**_Somehow I know that we can't wake again from this dream  
it's not real, but it's ours_**   
  


Scott slid the window up, climbing out. Once on the ledge, he leaned back in, and blew her a kiss. 

"Ill never forget ya red.... best $20 I ever made." And with that, he jumped. At least, it seemed that he had. Jean knew better. She'd wanted him to fall. She'd wanted it so much that she might have given him a little hand out of the window....

 Jumping up, she ran to the window and looked out. No Scott, No Taryn. No nothing. 

She glanced at the door as the handle turned, and Scott stepped in, looking worried.

"Are you alright Jean? I heard you screaming...." 

"I.... I wasn't.." 

"You were.... inside. I can feel it remember?" he sat on the edge of her bed, exactly where 'he' had before. After hesitating, Jean threw herself into his arms.

"You don't hate me for it?" 

"Why would I Jean? I love you." 

"But Taryn...." 

"Taryn's nothing to me. I love You. All of you."

  
**_Maybe tonight, we'll fly so far away  
We'll be lost before the dawn _**

Jean looked confused. 

"Jean, don't try and be so perfect all the time. I love you regardless. You don't have to hide this from me.." He touched her cheek lightly, pulling away with a tear on it. "Even you are allowed to cry. What use am I, if I cant comfort you?" He laughed gently, trying to lighten the situation.

"Scott?"

"Yes Jean?" 

"Don't leave me. Stay here tonight. Please?" A smile formed on his face.

"Of course I will. If you need me to."

"I do."

He kissed the top of her head and laid down next to her. All thoughts of the hallucination banished from her mind, Jean laid her head on her Boyfriend's chest, falling asleep almost instantly.

You were right Professor. Scott sent.

I know.

Thank you.

  
**_Maybe tonight, we'll fly so far away  
We'll be lost before the dawn_**


End file.
